Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Epilogue Part III: We Only Know (Hear) In Part

I Cor 13:9-10, 12 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part will be done away…For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I am known.

Perhaps the biggest crisis of faith I have ever encountered (and there have been many) came during the “Zeke” season. I was convinced that I had heard from the Lord, and that I had several promises that I was going to marry Zeke specifically. I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was God’s will for me. So when I sat in San Francisco with my grandma, this crisis came to a head. There was no way to reconcile what I thought I heard and what I was walking. Was I out of God’s will now? Had I missed it completely? And if I had missed God on this, had I ever heard Him about anything?
I spoke to it a bit in the first “lesson”, but I wanted to elaborate a bit more on this point, because it still confuses me a bit, honestly. It becomes a matter of complete blind faith, trusting that God is always faithful. And I really didn’t understand that until just recently, when I was a part of a class at church. In this class we were learning how to hear God’s voice and walk in the gifts of the Spirit (Words of Wisdom, Words of Knowledge, Prophecy, etc). And more than once, our teachers said that regardless of how God speaks to you, it’s important to ask Him for the revelation. Sometimes He’ll give you a word, and you think it means one thing, but it has a totally different meaning for someone else.
For example, you may at the grocery store, and you see someone and hear the name “Sue”. You walk over to her, and her nametag says “Anne”. Do you walk away, believing that you did not hear from God? Or do you stop and talk to her? God may have given you the name of Anne’s sister who is dying from cancer, and God wanted you to pray for her. We hear in part, we know in part, we prophesy in part.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Looking back, I can see that many of the dreams I had, or the “words” I received, were not specific to Zeke, but to my “husband”. I just assumed that it meant Zeke, because he was the one I was with or in love with when the words came. Every single one of those promises came true, just not with Zeke. So, did I miss God? Or did I just hear in part? I believe that I just heard in part, and while I have by no means arrived, I am starting to ask more questions and rest on less assumptions.

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