Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Epilogue Part II: Marriage Does Not Eradicate the Pain of Past Rejections

Whew, this was (and probably still is) a lesson that was hard to come by. In those first few months of marriage, I found myself asking Paul, “Are you sick of me yet?” or “Do you want to leave yet?” He had given me no basis for these insecurities, but somewhere in the deepest part of my heart, I still felt that I was to blame for Zeke leaving me. I must have done something wrong, I just didn’t know what.
Even more surprising was that this rejection didn’t affect only my relationship with Paul, but also my relationship with his family. I realized this over the Thanksgiving holidays just last year. We had just celebrated our second anniversary, and we were hosting the entire family for the holidays. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to make sure everything was perfect. And I was stressin’ big time. Paul kept trying to console me by saying that it didn’t all have to be perfect, but it did. I didn’t know why it did, it just did. As the family arrived, things got more hectic. The only time I had to myself was in the shower. As I stood there with the hot water pouring over me, I prayed for peace. It was then that God revealed what the driver was, and I was shocked. My mother-in-law always says “The issue is never really the issue,” and this was the truth of the moment. I thought that I was just stressed trying to impress the family. But that was not the case.
Just a couple weeks after Paul and I had officially begun dating, Zeke called me out of the blue to see how I was. He felt compelled to tell me about why he ended the relationship, and said, “No one was happy.” I said, “We were happy. Didn’t that count?” And he said, “Well, no one in the family was happy.” And there it was. He broke up with me because his family didn’t like me.
So fast-forward 2 ½ years. I’m stressing out about everything being perfect for the family because rooted deep in my heart is a fear that Paul will leave me if his family doesn’t approve.
Rejection is a sneaky sucker. He will show up in seemingly random places, and affects all aspects of your life. He attacks our very identity. Praise God that Jesus has conquered the devil and all those spirits that he sends our way. And that same Spirit which raised Christ from the dead lives in us! And where the Spirit of the Lord is (inside us) there is FREEDOM!!! Praise God.
Let me just take a minute to pray for you. If you have experienced rejection, or are seeing some after-effects, pray with me.

Lord, I thank You that You say that I have been ACCEPTED into Your family as one of Your children. Father, I have been hurt by ______________ and feel rejected. I know this is not Your plan for me, so right now, I choose to forgive _________ and release him/her completely into Your hands. Now I ask that You will overflow me with Your Spirit, healing every wound caused by this situation. And I renounce the spirit of rejection and its effects in my life. I come into agreement with Your Word that I am a Child of the Most High King, and that Your Spirit lives in me. Thank You for Your freedom at work in my life.
In the precious name of Jesus’, Amen.

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