Just For Fun.....

So I don't really have anything important to say today....we're still homeless, kinda (For those of you I haven't talked to in forever, our landlady has decided to sell, and our lease is up on Oct 1 - right now we don't have a new house to move to, but since we still have 3 weeks, no panic has yet set in....).
Today is an overcast day in the metroplex, a nice break from the heat of summer.
God is good, and I'm trying to be faithful at work....
Love my husband, my friends, my family, my cat...and sometimes the dog.

Hope you all are having a great day!
more to come....
Loves....

Good God, Bad Christian

You caught me. I can't lie. So here goes my confession. I am a bad Christian. I don't do everything that a good Christian should do. I don't read my Bible everyday. I'm scared to actually "witness" to someone - in fact, I'm pretty sure that I don't even know how. I don't know the Romans road, or the 4 spiritual laws by heart. I get sad and scared and angry and confused and frankly, I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to be Pollyanna perfect. I'm tired of "acting" right. I just want to be right. I'm tired of pretending that everything is ok when it's not. I'm tired of hearing that when you become a Christian, everything becomes just peachy, and if it's not, you must be doing something wrong or not doing something you should be doing. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm quitting religion. It's all such a mess.

Last time I checked, God says that He's after our hearts. He wants to love us and be loved by us. He wants us to be real with Him, and be with Him. In fact, I'm pretty sure He rebuked the "actors" (after all that's what "hypocrite" means - actor) and told the "religious" people that they were missing it all together. Who was it that touched His heart? It was Mary as she sat as His feet. It was John as he laid on His breast. It was the woman with the issue of blood. It was the woman caught in adultery. It was Peter who dared to get out of the boat, exploded in anger and spoke out of turn - more than once (gosh am I like that or what?). Do you know that the only time Jesus ever yelled at anyone (as recorded in Scripture) was when He was yelling at the Pharisees and people in the temple who were misusing the temple for their own personal gain.

Well, I've been going through a new "salvation" if you will. Now, I'm already "saved", but I believe that salvation doesn't end with the first prayer of confession, but merely begins (see Phil 2:12). There are actually 2 Greek words for salvation- one that means "saved" past tense, and the other means "being continually saved" (I don't have the exact verses with me, but if you would like them, I will find them - just shoot me a message). Anywho, back to the point...my new "salvation" is by far one of the deepest and most difficult things that I have had to walk through. You see, I'm being saved from religion. I'm being set free from the expectations of man, and the "Good Christian Checklist" and I'm finding new life in Christ's love. It's a complete paradigm shift. It's so outside the box of "church" and "religion" that it's like learning a new language and culture. Like I've moved to Zimbabwe or something!

Before you get your panties in a bind, hear what I'm saying. I love love love love church and gathering with my brothers and sisters. And I love reading the Word and hearing His voice and worshiping more than anything else in this whole world. But I love that stuff because it means I'm spending time with the Lover of my soul. And the coolest part of all is that He loves me! He even likes me! He thinks I'm great! He created me for His pleasure (Ps 149:4) and I make Him happy. He likes to spend time with me, and He will stop everything He's doing just to pay attention to me (I think I'm His favorite - sorry to break it to you). And He is so amazing. He is so awesome. I am daily, even hourly, amazed by how, or even why, He loves me - it's so mind boggling. And you know what my favorite thing about God is? He is soooooooooo NOT human! He is not as fickle in His love as so many have accused him of being. He doesn't get mad when I don't read the proverb of the day. He's not disappointed in me when I sing the wrong note in that worship song. He doesn't get offended when I tell Him that I'm not thrilled with whatever is going on right now and that I don't think He really knows what He's doing (yes, I've said that to Him, and of course, I was wrong! But what did you expect? I'm a bad Christian, remember?) Really, I think that He loves an honest heart. He knows what we're thinking anyway, so why not tell Him? Why not get it all on the table and let Him have it? Heaven knows that I would do that with my husband - why not God?

I'm loving this "new" salvation, the journey of this walk. It is a WALK, you realize. Saying the prayer 22 1/2 years ago didn't make me perfect. It just started this amazing hike down the narrowing (and it certainly gets more narrow - can you feel the tight squeeze?) road of life. And the great thing is that He walks with us, and carries us, and strengthens us, and we get to experience His life as we walk. It's not a "someday" salvation. Jesus said, NOW is the time of salvation. "NOW" - you mean that I don't have to wait to experience His grace, His peace, His joy? Not at all....It's all available to us NOW as we walk with Him in His salvation. WOW!!!!

So here's the rub. I've made a decision to quit religion and start my walk as a bad Christian who is loved by a super good God. Will you come with me?

Singing With Jesus

It is with great sadness and heaviness of heart that I write this post. On Sunday, July 13, my good friend and brother in Christ, Jason, went to be with the Lord.

It was unexpected. It is unreal. It's unfair. It hurts.

For those of you who didn't get the chance to meet Jason, let me tell you a little about him.
Jason was an amazing man of God who loved God with all of his heart, and his wife, Denni, just as much. I first met Denni and Jason in Phoenix, AZ when they came to my church. We instantly became friends, as we had many of the same interests: worship, baseball, games, comedy and kitties. Denni and Jason were my family when I was a single young worship leader trying to figure out which way was up. They were more than just casual friends, they were a lifeline. We all sang together, played together, laughed together, cried together. Even after I moved away, we remained friends, always hanging out when I came to visit (Props to our favorite Pizza Joint).
Then I got married, and moved even further away. Contact dropped off a bit (much to my regret and sadness), and then I got an email....

Saturday, I heard from Denni that Jason was in the hospital, and after a long 28 hours he was still in critical condition, but stable for now. I immediately informed my praying people and I hit my knees, crying out to God for a miracle for my friend.

On Monday morning I got the call that Jason went home to be with Jesus, and my world was shaken. All I could think was "He's so young", "This can't be happening", "How in the world is Denni surviving all this?" and "I wish I could be there [Phoenix]". I just could not believe that he was really gone.

After a very, very, very long day at the office, I went to the gym. As I was working out, my heart would go back to Phoenix, and it would flutter a bit as tears welled up in my eyes. But the strangest thing kept happening. Every time I would feel sad, I kept hearing "There is joy", and peace would just wash over me. Then, as I was walking out of the gym, I heard the phrase "Singing With Jesus", and it struck me that my friend, Jason, had been promoted. He is no longer singing for Jesus, because he's singing with Jesus, and what a cool place to be. (I can't lie, a little part of me got jealous when I realized that he was with my God in heaven!) Now, while that is one of the best parts of being a believer, it doesn't take away the sadness we feel on earth. Even Jesus wept when one of his best friends died (see John 11:35). So, when I got home, the floodgates opened and I wept.

I wept for the loss of my friend and the sadness I feel inside. I wept for my friend and sister, Denni, who's world has just collapsed. I wept for the fact that it could've been me or my husband. I wept because I couldn't do anything else.

This is really my first experience with grief, a deep grief. I've lost a couple of grandparents, and while that made me sad, I was never close to them. But Jason, wow....he is my age, in the prime of his life, with so much ahead of him, my friend, my brother. And there are no answers. The question, "why" is rarely answered, yet in the midst of all these storms, we are called to lean on God's goodness.

Though the fig tree may not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls-
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer's feet,
and He will make me walk on my high hills.
~Hab 3:17-19

And while I still feel sad, I am comforted in that I know beyond a shadow of doubt that God is good, and my friend is singing with Jesus. I'll miss you, Jason. And, Denni, if you happen to read this, I love you so much, my sister, and I'm praying and crying with you. If you need anything at all, please call me......

Can you trust?

"For the word of the Lord holds true, and everything He does is worthy of our trust."
Ps 33:4 (NLT)

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defends trust:
1. to place confidence; depend
2. to commit or place in one's care or keeping; entrust
3. to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of; believe
4. to hope or expect confidently

Such a small word packs a big punch. How is it that we have such a hard time with this word. I mean, it makes sense that it's hard to trust people. After all, we are all people, and we know our own tendency to screw things up and let those we love down, so it's only natural to expect the same from others. But God? He is the most amazing father, awesome in everything He does, never failing us, never leaving us, always loving us and holding us closely. And yet, we still hesitate. Is it because we think that He'll treat us like our earthly father who was abusive, or that bully that tormented us throughout our early years, or maybe that mother who was over critical of everything we said or did? Is it because we "trusted" Him once, and He let us down (oh, that could preach - it would take a whole page, at least, just to explore that)?

I put it to you that it might just be that we don't really know Him, and I mean intimately know Him. Like Moses, David, or Elisha....like Jesus knew His Father. How different would our lives be if we walked in the same face to face relationship with God that Moses walked in? What would it be like if we, like Enoch, walked with God? Would we trust then? The writer of Psalm 33 knew God to be true to His word, and if He is true to His word, then He MUST be trustworthy. Moses also sang about the trustworthiness of God. "God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?" (Num 23:19 - NLT).

So, what will it take for us to fall into His hands in complete surrender and trust? And I don't mean the semi-surrender that we call trust. You know what I mean, the "Lord, I believe that you have a plan for my life, but since you're not moving in my timeframe, I'm gonna push it along", or the "Lord, I know that my spouse loves you, but since they don't act like I think they should, I don't believe that you're really moving in their lives." OUCH!!!!
And I return to my last post. "Oh that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know Him" (Hos 6:3 - NLT) The moment that we press into Him and begin to see Him and know Him in all His splendor, we too will be able to say with all confidence that "everything He does is worthy of trust."

For the Dogs

Isn't it funny and amazing how God can speak to us through everyday experiences and people and....pets? This is how it went. This morning I woke up a little bit earlier than Paul, and I had the chance to spend some extra quiet time with the Lord. I snuck downstairs, and got all set up in the recliner with my Bible and notebook, and prayed, "Lord, speak to me today", which is my typical routine. Just as I opened my eyes to start reading, my puppy (who is now a monster at over 50 pounds) jumped in my lap and laid down. Just before I chided her, I felt the Lord speak. You see, she was just sitting there, chewing her bone, wanting to be close. And she got the attention she was looking for. She is the most persistent thing. If you ignore her, she will get in your face so that you know she is there and so that you will pet her and play with her. And I think that is exactly how God wants us to be with Him. The Word says that we will find Him when we seek Him, a persistent pursuit of Him. And Daisy is such a good reminder of this. She will sit at my feet when I'm eating, with hopes that she'll get some too. She will be in whatever room I am in. She will put her toys in my hand so that we can play. And she's really good about getting a LOT of attention. Sometimes she misbehaves, and we correct her, and she just looks up at us with the sweetest face, we can't stay mad at her. And what a difference between her and the cat. The cat likes attention, but only on her terms, and only if it's "convenient" or "comfortable" for her. She doesn't like to be held, pursued or played with. More appropriately, she's a "fuzzy piece of furniture" (thanks Paul for that accurate description!).
After considering all of this, the question was posed to me, "What kind of kid are you going to be?" Am I going to be content doing my own thing, spending minimal time with Daddy at my own convenience, or am I going to be relentless in my pursuit of His attention?

"Let us know,
Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. "
Hosea 6:3

Thank God for the Internet

How in the world did we ever live without it? I mean, one stop shopping, information at your fingertips, instant (and free) connection with family and friends across the world, seriously, how did we live without it? I have just gotten sucked into the world of Facebook, where I have reconnected with friends from high school and college that I haven't talked to or seen for years! Not to mention, I can play the never ending movie quiz, and trust me, it really is never ending! As if that weren't enough, I can sit here and write about anything I want for anyone who is crazy enough to read it. And then, I can read anything written by my cool and crazy friends (see the list growing on the left side).
As a bonus, there is so much great stuff happening on the internet. For example, check out God.tv, a website that broadcasts Christian programming 24-7, and is dedicated to reaching the world for Christ. Then there are all the sites that have access to hundreds of different Bibles, commentaries, study materials. It's endless!!! I bet the Apostle Paul would've killed for this kind of technology. Well, maybe he's just sitting up in heaven, cheering us on to use what God has given us for His glory, the internet included!
So, Lord, please be glorified in this blog, in this page, because anything else is just trivial. Love you!!!!

The Green Monster Revealed....

I think that realistically we all have one, a little green monster, I mean. Some of us may have more than one (Yikes!). It rears its ugly head in many different ways for each individual. For some it's a look of longing. For others it's a quiet resentment brooding deep inside. Still others lash out at loved ones in anger. It thrives on unmet expectations and the word "unfair".
For me, it shows up with the age old question "why". Why is it that "she" is pregnant and doesn't even want a baby. Why am I stuck in this job? Why can't I get a pedicure? Why can't I go to Europe? Me, Me, Me, Me, Me.....
Have you identified the monster? Do you struggle with the same thing?
Maybe I'm the only one....
Lord, help me see You as the only thing I need. May I crave You more than any earthly thing. May I find my place and my peace in You. Let everything else disappear in the glorious light of who You are....